You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
porn star boner night. come get it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
