Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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