She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
