i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
