Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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