those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
