For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
