Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You can't special order awesome
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
