my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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