I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
