On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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