i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
