It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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