On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
