Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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