Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
