I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
