you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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