Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
