my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Will exercising make me less horny?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
