Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
