I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
