he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
