____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
"it" just moved
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
