i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
