I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
