I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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