it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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