Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
