Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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