if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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