Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
