Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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