My sheets look like a crime scene.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
