Duck Duck Cougar?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
