Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
