Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
