Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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