So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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