Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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