You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
