The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
