part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
