Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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