So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
