Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
