I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
