Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
