I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
