i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
