I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
