if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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