id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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