i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
